Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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