I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
