ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
PANTIES FOUND
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
