guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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