I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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