she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
