i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize