Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize