Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
