i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
