i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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