she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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