I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was not drunk enough for that final.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
