You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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