your room smells of hookers.
And success
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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