Non-Jews are for practice
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
