if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
the raccoons are back...
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