I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I wear drunk well.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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