I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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