when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
