He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
