no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
