I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
