you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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