And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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