I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
