My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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