Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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