I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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