I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Quick, to the slutcave!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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