Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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