i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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