the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
