here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
