i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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