You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
