I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
