they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
