I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
