I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
