I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm getting married
To pizza
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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