She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
