you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
