Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
