He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
