Your mouth is God's brothel.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
