They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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