he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
