Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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