Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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