he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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