just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
