the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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