remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
