Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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