I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
