I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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