matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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