id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
did i just pee glitter
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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