I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Text me some of your sweat
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