I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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