3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
