i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
