does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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