You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize