next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
