Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
