Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
