your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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