do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
