You can't special order awesome
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You're like the curious george of whores
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
