sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
